The other day the wife of a friend of mine posted on Facebook, “I want some bebes in mah bellay RIGHT NOW! But I know I have to wait…boo.” I liked her status; it was my thoughts being spoken by someone else. Yet, I have lately forced myself to stop and think: do I really want a baby right now? After reading that article on goal making in O magazine, I am second guessing what I think I want.
The article said instead of making goals using primarily nouns and verbs, such as “I want to get pregnant,” I should stop and try to come up with at least three specific adjectives that describe how I imagine I would feel if I met that goal (in essence: what do I want to get out of achieving the goal). For example, if I answer that question honestly, I can say that “relieved, relaxed, excited, rested, and important” come to mind.
I see everyone around me either getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or talking about babies. Okay. So, it’s not everyone, but a heck of a lot of people! (What are they putting in the water?) I feel less important as a childless woman, as if I haven’t accomplished my natural goal of creating life. I know that if I do get pregnant, that I’ll have an excuse to be lazier: to rest more, to relax about stressing out over whether or not I’ll have a job next year (because it wouldn’t matter anymore), and feeling a sense of relief that I can, in fact, procreate successfully with my husband. My family multiplies like rabbits; thus, I’m terrified I’ll be the odd woman out on the ridiculously susceptible fertility gene. Is that rational? Of course not! Is your fear rational?
My husband and I are still saving to have enough money to buy a house. Ultimately, we’d love to buy land and build the house we design ourselves. Unfortunately, that means it’ll be a few years until any buns should be baking in my oven. I think about how quickly the past year has gone and try to tell myself that time will fly and I’ll be happier for having waited to have kids. I’ll be happier and more solidified in my marriage, and my husband and I will have a chance to do the things we want to do before the little ones come bouncing into the picture (travel). I keep telling myself that it’s in my best interest, my husband’s best interest, and the baby’s best interest if we all go at the pace we need to go, rather than the pace I think we should go based on what “everybody else” is doing. Logically, I know this. Logically, I understand this. However, I’m having a very hard time making my hormones see the sense in this plan.
Any advice on how to curb my craziness?