I have not forgotten about the 30 Days of Truth. However, I felt that I was getting rather jaded about completing the list; I was just writing for the sake of completing the list because I felt the topics were getting repetitive. So, just as I believe that my life list (aka bucket list) and my 101 in 1001 can and should be altered to reflect my changing views, desires, and interests, I believe that I can adjust the 30 Days of Truth to break down into a few shorter more simple posts in order to avoid redundancy and repetition.
Day 2o (“Your views on drugs and alcohol”) was a very open ended topic, which, I felt, took away from my ability to take it seriously. How do I view drugs and alcohol overall? They’re unnecessary, and too much of either ruins lives and kills people both directly and indirectly. So, let me try this one again…
I’ve known people who have injured their children due to drinking/smoking/doing drugs during pregnancy and I’ve seen how awful the consequences of those actions can be. I’ve known people who have grown up with alcoholic/drug abusing parents and who have themselves become users and abusers. I’ve known one person, an old friend from high school, who died from heroin overdose. Going to his funeral when I was 19 was one of the most life-changing experiences in my life; he slipped up once after being clean for six months and died because it was laced with some pain medicine used to help treat cancer patients undergoing chemo.
I’ve known people who have been beaten by their drunk boyfriends. I myself have taken care of drunk people more than enough times to count and can tell you that it’s disgusting and ridiculous what people will do to themselves to “have a good time.” Flinging yourself over a fence to puke does not sound like a good time to me, nor does having your friend recite their ABC’s and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star over and over on the way home so that they don’t pass out before getting some food and water into their vodka soaked bodies. I have had more fights and arguments with my ex when he was drunk than I’d ever care to admit. I even wrote a poem about it once:
Everything I thought that was, is no longer
Though your sips distilled your words were stronger
Your hidden anger leaked from lips to me
When I woke to drive you home at quarter to three
You sounded sad and helpless on the wire
Your crumpled body sagging sodden against your tire
Cycling words that say you’re sorry that you care too much
Too numb to feel some comfort from consoling touch
So I dressed and climbed into the cool front seat
Heading empty past West Chicago Street
To find you sitting shirtless in your car
Your words too near your mind too far
Revealing broken heart un-soothed
Kept covered, festered, began to ooze
Anger gushing murderous claims
Logic nor sympathy easily tamed
I left you guided to your bed
Fear and confusion accompanying dread
I watched you walk away from me
The night I drove home at quarter to three
Now, I can’t just sit here on a high horse and pretend like I’m always the designated driver or the designated “hold my hair while I puke” friend. I have partied hard a few times in my life (I remember an especially vivid time in college where I kept telling my very tall friend that he was my “tree” and that he needed to stay still so that I could hold onto him to keep myself standing up), but I’m usually the sober or mostly sober one taking care of everyone else. So much so that my friends make a really big deal about it if I ever agree to go to a bar or to have a drink. My dedication to avoiding dereliction of duty was part of why my friends used to mock me as “mom”. When glass got broken, I cleaned it up. When someone puked, I cleaned them up. When friends passed out in places they shouldn’t be, I drove them home. When someone was too drunk to drive, I drove for them. I was too afraid of feeling so out of control. Plus, I just never enjoyed the taste of alcohol, always smothering it in rich fruit juices to hide its awfulness.
So, what are my “views” on drugs and alcohol? They’re vitriolic substances.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Again, another ridiculous topic. What do they mean by what do you do? If they’re my best friend, whether or not we were fighting and hour before or two weeks before, it would not prevent me from driving/flying to get to the hospital where they were at to see them and make sure they were okay. Duh.
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
I’ve already written about this. See this post on how I regret being so awful to my brother.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
I wish I would have appreciated my body when it was healthy, fit, and (despite my thoughts at the time) lean and pretty. I wish I would have spent more time with friends and less time working. I wish I would have had more confidence and self-esteem when it came to dating. I wish I would have kept taking dance lessons consistently after high school.
However, I know that wishing to change the past is as effective as chewing bubble gum to solve an algebra equation. I have lived and learned and hope to not continue to make the same mistakes.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter).
I’m making a playlist for myself illustrating my life thus far in musical numbers associated with strong memories.
Hey Baby-Bruce Channel -Watching Dirty Dancing as if it were the only movie we owned.
I Can’t Dance- Genesis -Singing loudly in the minivan on the way to Aunt Shirley’s pool in the summer time.
Achey Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Sirus – Dancing on the brick fireplace stage in the family room with the neighborhood kids and swinging our little butts to and fro to the music as we yelled the chorus since that’s all we knew.
Entire Shadows and Light Album- Wilson Phillips -Every car ride with mom imaginable, mostly to and from Carleton, and having to wait for the tape to rewind to start it over again.
Maggie May – Rod Stewart – Singing along with mom in the car on the way home from school or with dad when it came on the radio at home.
Janie’s Got A Gun or Dude (Looks Like A Lady) – Aerosmith – Laughing as dad danced around the living room with an ostrich feather duster cleaning on weekends as he sang.
Angelo’s -Dick Siegel – Dancing around the living room with daddy while he listened to the radio to clean on the weekends.
Beating Heart Baby – Head Automatica -Senior year, Jenna, screaming and singing in my car with the windows down, moon roof open, starlight shining in, feeling like an independent woman, screaming to find out who I really was.
Bye Bye Baby- OK Go! -Picking up the CD with Ellen at Meijer, listening to it in the car at night in the open, cool air of summer.
Black Betty- Ram Jam -Singing loudly like an idiot on the way to Zach’s graduation party while zooming uncontrollably in Em’s little blue VW Bug.
Love Is A Battlefield – Pat Benetar -Speeding down Beck in Em’s bug, singing at the top of our lungs, fists pumping, eyes squeezed tight, laughing uncontrollably.
Do You Wanna Be My Girl? – Jet – Most lively concert I’d ever been to, always a song to rock out to on the dance floor.
Super Massive Black Hole- Muse -Dancing on a light up disco dance floor in Scotland with Hayley, feeling like a rock star every time I could do the cat-walk walk to it, seeing them live and it blowing my mind!
Fear You Won’t Fall- Joshua Radin -“I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could, can’t keep my mind off of you” true love without restrictions or “ifs” or “buts”, finding out that distance could not keep us apart.
Sebastian – Adrian Johnston – Falling in love with the piece, seeing my friends and family walk down the aisle to it as I prepared to walk down the aisle myself, feeling that “this is it” moment before I got married.
Highway- Ingrid Michaelson – Dancing with my daddy on my wedding day.